JUNK FOOD JUNKIE

I'd like you to meet Miss Ede.

A week or two ago, some of our ladies at the church attended a luncheon for all those who have been regularly visiting the elderly and those who are not well and unable to attend worship services. We call our group WINGS -- Women in God's Service.

We were all surprised to see EDE at the luncheon.
She is 103 and as sharp as a razor.

We were even more surprised when donning a black wig and a peasant shirt, she took over the microphone and regaled us with the following poem -- all perfectly memorized and delivered with enthusiasm and actions. I just wish I'd had a video of her. It was amazing.

A JUNK FOOD JUNKIE

I love that organic cookin', and I always ask for more.

They call me Miz Natural down at the health food store.

I only eat good sea salt; white sugar don't touch my lips.

And my friends is always askin' to take 'em on macrobiotic trips.

But at night I take out my strong box that I keep under lock and key

And I take it off to my closet where nobody else can see

I open the door so slowly, take a peek up north and south

Then I pull out a Hostess Twinkie and I pop it in my mouth

.

In the daytime I'm Miz Natural, just as healthy as I can be,

But at night I'm a junk food junkie

So please have pity on me, oh please have pity on me!

At lunch time you can find me at the Whole Earth Vitamin Bar

Just eatin' plain white yogurt from a hand thrown pottery jar

And drinkin' fresh pressed cider with a carrot stick for dessert,

And wipin' my face in a natural way on the sleeve of my peasant shirt.

But when the clock strikes midnight and I'm all by myself

I work the combination of my secret hide-away shelf.

Then take out some Fritos corn chips, Dr. Pepper and an Eskimo Pie

Then I sit back in expectation of a genuine junk food high.

In the daytime I'm Miz Natural, just as healthy as I can be,

But at night I'm a junk food junkie

So please have pity on me, oh please have pity on me!

Now the folks down at the commune, they think I'm pretty neat.

I don't know nothin' 'bout arts 'n crafts, but I give them something to eat.

I'm a friend of Ewell Gibbons and I use homegrown good spice

And I've got an ole Grecian pottery jar filled up with raw, brown rice.

But lately folks I've been spotted with a Big Mac on my breath,

And I run into Colonel Sanders with my face as white as death.

But some day I'm afraid they'll find me spread out upon my bed,

With a handful of Pringles 'tater chips and a Ding Dong by my head.

In the daytime I'm Miz Natural, just as healthy as I can be,

But at night I'm a junk food junkie

So please have pity on me, oh please have pity on me!

Ede, the Junk Food Junkie

What a treat! And how we laughed!